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William Marcus

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Favorite Episodes (unranked)

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207 - Wild Rebels - 3 months ago
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It's like "The Devil's Rejects", but without the visceral aspect. Or any measure of legitimate talent... no, no, I take it back, it's EXACTLY like "The Devil's Rejects".


First MST3K I ever saw!
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Say what you will about this movie, I actually think that whistling theme is kinda cool and creepy...


113 - The Black Scorpion - 3 months ago
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Huh, third movie so far I actually liked even without the riffing. Those scorpions were pretty neat!


324 - Master Ninja II - 15 days ago
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I actually kinda liked the first episode. What the heck was going on with the second one, though?!


Listen really close in that list of things they owe to the space race...
401 - Space Travelers - 15 days ago
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...At one point, as Joel is rattling off the list of stuff, Crow brings up SPACOM again! Anyone else remember that?


WHY this one hurts so much.
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I think I might know why this movie probably came closest to breaking Joel and the bots, even closer than other, even worse movies: this film is deeper in the uncanny valley of movie pain than any other. On the one side of the valley, we have legitimately good movies. On this show, we don't see the ones on the highest peaks, but the ones about halfway down the valley - movies that actually aren't that bad, but lack certain critical traits that would allow them to become true success stories. "This Island Earth" is probably highest up that side of the valley, with other movies like "Daddy-O", "First Spaceship on Venus", and the first few Sci-fi channel movies close behind. On the other side of the valley, we have movies that are undeniably incompetent, but are so off-the-wall, bizarre, or made on a clearly limited budget that they become somewhat endearing. They tend to be so awful that they're worth a laugh, if nothing else, and are so easy to mock and riff that the result is a bit like watching an amateur play, with a charm all its own. Movies like "Robot Monster" and "The Beast of Yucca Flats" fall into this category. THIS nightmare of a movie hits all the wrong notes, but not quite hard enough to make it quite as easily mocked. It has Christopher Lee - a legitimately talented actor - playing an infamous and beloved villain much in the vein of Dracula or Saruman, but without any of the presence, charisma, or drive that characterized them. It isn't the hammy and over-the-top Ro-Man or the legitimately tragic Metalunans, but something bleak and flat, without any of the character's distinctive terror or drive. The plot has the potential to be a globe-spanning action-adventure full of international intrigue, but it falls flat. There was clearly a budget, of some kind, but it's wasted on washed-out, overcast location shots and occasional color mixing that should look gruesome and sickly, but simply looks nauseating. The result is a terrible movie with wasted potential, a wasted budget, a wasted cast, and a profound sense of despair and dissatisfaction throughout a movie with dialogue too direct to mock, a plot too confusing to follow, and an ending too abrupt and confusing for any sort of proper resolution. Oh, the PAIN...


322 - Master Ninja I - 22 days ago
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All right, I'll admit it... between the silliness and over-the-top dialogue, I actually got a kick out of the film even without the riffing.


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The best part is how various sources like to yank this particular episode down in fear that it'll be a problem with copyright law later on... never mind that Best Brains' successors are ridiculously lenient with MST3K as an IP, and the movie is in the public domain...


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Mars is supposed to be this bleak, draconian place, yet they have ice-cream and tickle-rays.


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They are born, and electronic teaching machines are wired into their brains while they're still infants. They spend the rest of their lives with machines surgically attached to their heads. This movie invented the Borg.


320 - The Unearthly - 27 days ago
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Interesting, the only thing that makes this one sort of stand out is the all-star cast... and hey, Tor Johnson is always a welcome treat!


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I was sorta looking forward to this one because I'm a fan of giant monster movies... and then Mr. B. showed up. Oh boy.


Recent Riffs

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I'm still here, Happer, you craphound!


322 - Master Ninja I - 22 days ago
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"I'll take him!"
(A scene of tremendous violence, the speaker gets badly beaten)
"...Oooookay... you can take him nowww..."


320 - The Unearthly - 27 days ago
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"Tor like new lunch-box!"


316 - Gamera vs. Zigra - about 1 month ago
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"ABOOOUUUUT FACE! TEEEEEEEN-HUT! EEEYES WUB-BUB-blub-blb..."


312 - Gamera vs. Guiron - about 1 month ago
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"It's hard to believe... but we really should have believed our children."

"...I'm still gonna spank him."


302 - Gamera - 2 months ago
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*GO AWAY. RRRRRRRRRRR....*


301 - Cave Dwellers - 2 months ago
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Well, this is neat, but what the heck does it have to do with the rest of the movie?!


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"Yeah, sure, you control me... right. I'll be home crushin' your house!"


101 - The Crawling Eye - 3 months ago
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"And now I hafta walk back over HERE... hey, could you get me a pizza?"