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Fredrick Stafford
In Tampa, FL
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Gregg Hammerquist - over 3 years ago
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Conservative, huh? We'll get along.


Fredrick Stafford - about 4 years ago
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"Anger and intolerance are the twin enemies of correct understanding." - Mahatma Gandhi


Fredrick Stafford - about 4 years ago
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Ever live rent free inside someone’s head? They become unhinged and lapse into bizarre fits of egotistical judgmental passive-aggressive rage; sad really. Well, it’s kinda funny too. =)


Fredrick Stafford - about 4 years ago
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"Think you can take me? Well, go ahead on. It's your move." - Deputy Sheriff Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III, 1008 - Final Justice


Favorite Episodes

  1. Mitchell
    522
  2. The Final Sacrifice
    671
  3. Boggy Creek II: And the Legend Continues
    307
  4. Overdrawn at the Memory Bank
    378
  5. Master Ninja I
    227
  6. Master Ninja II
    144
  7. The Wild World of Batwoman
    205
  8. Werewolf
    477
  9. Agent for H.A.R.M.
    232

Recent Comments with recent replies

821 - Time Chasers - over 4 years ago
10 laughs

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This past summer I took a road trip up to Vermont to catch up with the old “Time Chasers” gang. Here are my observations:

GEN-CORP TECHNOLOGY was purchased sight unseen by IBM during the tech boom acquisition frenzy at the height of the go-go 90’s. When an IBM company representative showed up and found that the whole thing only consisted of a few guys hanging out in their “office” at a branch library and riding around in one of their uncle’s limo rentals, the Gen-Corp domain name was quietly listed for sale.

J.K. ROBERTSON had his white-collar malfeasance finally catch up to him. He served a 4 year term in Federal prison. He did not waste his time though. There he became a certified hairstylist and opened his own shop in town. I dropped in, and while he is still an unsavory unapologetic creep, the man does give a great haircut! I have to give him that.

MATTHEW PAUL did not take his firing well. He held several menial jobs including that of Greeter in the small local grocery store. “Hey, I’ve got this great wardrobe, why let it go to waste?” he often told customers. Later he leased a storefront and opened a consignment shop that offered “Upscale attire for the professional gentleman.” Pathetically, I was told the entire stock was just a few diminutive sized well worn pastel colored suits. His first rent check bounced and as of this writing his whereabouts are unknown.

LISA decided to run the phony 75 year old skydiving granny story anyway. Discredited and terminated, she did not end up with Nick though. She was often overheard at the town’s tavern, blowsy drunk, saying, “I’m not going to spend the rest of my life with a man who still uses a F@#&-ing floppy disk drive!” She and airport slacker Marty now have three kids in a two bedroom trailer and she dances at a strip club called Tangents (aka Time Chasers). She works the dayshift if you want to stop in and buy her a drink, please.

NICK is still rocking the same old mullet and riding the same old 10 speed. In between residences, he is crashing on a friends couch. He borrowed twenty bucks from me and assured me he is still doing, “Very important and necessary work at Castleton State College.” On my way out of town I drove past the Castleton campus. I looked over and saw Nick mowing their lawn. He stopped the mower and waved at me with that goofy smile. I pretended I did not see him, floored it, flew out of town, and did not look back until I got all the way to Burlington; I just didn’t have heart.


1007 - Track of the Moon Beast - over 4 years ago
13 laughs

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Pathetically, when Paul’s mother returns home from Europe later that summer she does not notice he is no longer living there until the next spring when Ty shows up to get all his stuff from his old cage...later she hooks up with that bearded Dr. Lawrence guy at a local bar, he moves in, and they turn Paul’s room into a Fifty Shades Playroom. Ahhhhh! Ahhhhh!


911 - Devil Fish - over 4 years ago
6 laughs

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Alright, I laughed off all your Hercules movies and took the high road and just overlooked Escape 2000. Colossus and the Headhunters was a sucker punch that can never be forgiven, and I did call for sanctions after Danger! Death Ray, but this one tears it Italy! How much more do you expect us to take?! I say it is time to expel the Italian Ambassador, recall ours from Rome, and immediately sever all diplomatic relations. As part of reparations we will keep the lovely Chef Giada De Laurentiis, give back to you all things Chef Boyardee, and be willing to call it even. Just no more movies!


809 - I Was a Teenage Werewolf - over 4 years ago
8 laughs

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Disrespectful, sociopath, milk throwing bully gets some harmful injections and is then cut down in a hail of gunfire…yeah, ok, I’m good with that.


421 - Monster A-Go Go - over 4 years ago
8 laughs

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I get the feeling the director went out for a “liquid lunch” everyday and sent back a slightly less drunk hobo to finish up for him.


909 - Gorgo - over 4 years ago
6 laughs

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“Gorgo?! Oh blast! Alright, back in the coach lads.” And with that the disappointed London chapter of the Torgo Fan Club waiting in line at Dorkin’s Circus; sadly removed their knee humps and meticulously sweat stained hats, lowered their crooked staffs, and retired to a local pub for a bitter night of sulking.


19 laughs

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So I decided to try some of that smooth “Deathstalker” game at my local pub. I came in with fake English accent which I quickly dropped; told my attractive server girl I DID NOT kill her twin sister, constantly referred to myself as a HERO, ordered a baked potato, potato skins, French fries, tater tots, and a baked potato, challenged a balding guy to several lame sword fights, and NOTHING; no hot virgin fell in love with me, no BDSM play with a sexy nympho, no one wanted to join me in a vague revolution, although when I left I distinctly heard cheering behind me. Oh well, guess I will just go back to my old “Mitchell” moves.


208 - Lost Continent - over 4 years ago
5 laughs

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FOUND! The “lost” last five minutes of Lost Continent…

The survivors finally make it back to civilization and find out the rocket was already obsolete before they even left. The search party was just an elaborate ruse to get rid of Major Joe Nolan (Cesar Romero) for a few weeks so the commanding General could nail the base hussy, Marla. That night Major Nolan confronts the General at the Officers Club, his face contorted in rage. “Now just take it easy, Joe,” the General says, “I can explain.” Major Nolan draws back his fist. The General cowers, “I swear, Joe, I didn’t know about all the rocks.” Major Nolan is ready to strike, ablaze in anger, then pulls his punch, laughs heartily, holds out his hand for the General to shake, says, “You sly old so and so…you really got me good this time, General, I have to give you that!” (laugher) “Hope you were careful, General, and if not name it after me!” (wild laughter) “Now buy me a beer!"

THE END.


109 - Project Moonbase - over 4 years ago
5 laughs

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Of course they had to get married right before the ending credits. It was 1953 and they had to keep it respectable. The audience knew those two were going to knock space boots all the way back earth!


503 - Swamp Diamonds - over 4 years ago
10 laughs

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Ever stop to think that most of us are the eventual result of “What to do on a Date?”


311 - It Conquered the World - over 4 years ago
10 laughs

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For laughs go to a meeting of your local city council and give the “Graves speech” word for word during the open public comments portion.


801 - Revenge of the Creature - over 4 years ago
7 laughs

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Ha, oldest trick in the book! Sit back and wait for a leftover prehistoric beast to unceremoniously slaughter your romantic rival and then use the ol’, “We can take a leisurely cruise up the river and have dinner in Jacksonville” line to close the deal. If I only had an “Ocean Harbor Buck” for every time I pulled that scam!


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