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Steve-Headed Pig-Benton
In Oceania

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Steve-Headed Pig-Benton - about 1 month ago
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"Calling this lying sack of shit a lying sack of shit is one of the things that got me fired from @SIRIUSXM, because I forgot that the job of Corporate Media is to give a platform to lying sacks of shit and help lying sacks of shit sell their shitty books."
- Frank Conniff on Chris Christie after the latter appeared on some shill program and actually, really, genuinely and truly said:
"I don’t know ‘the real story’ behind Bridgegate, Christie says, adding that we’ll probably never know"


Steve-Headed Pig-Benton - 2 months ago
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Yes, my guard stood hard when abstract threats too noble to neglect
Deceived me into thinking I had something to protect
Good and bad, I define these terms quite clear, no doubt, somehow
Ah, but I was so much older then I'm younger than that now

---Robert Zimmerman


Grin Reaper - 8 months ago
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Steve, I hope you've had a chance to see my reply to the nice note you left on my wall awhile ago. I'm back from the Brain 'n' Body Shop again, and have hopes you will be visiting us all once more in Forumvilla (you are missed, monsieur - please do not ask us all to beg. Heck, I am already down on my one good knee). Best of ye olde (and ye newe) holiday wishes! : )


Steve-Headed Pig-Benton - 9 months ago
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Caramel apples are a part of my life. This dates back to my childhood, where a night of trick-or-treating was not complete without stopping at my grandmother's house for the chewy orb-like confections. The melding of caramel and apple seemed to me in those days a confection ordained by the creator.
Hyperbole, you say?
No.
Fanaticism?
Sure.
And it is not just the association with those days, the powerful nostalgia that comes from tasting and smelling something and associating it with familiar and comforting memories, even though I know that scientifically speaking, smell is the most provocative memory enhancers of all the senses. I simply adore that combination of flavors. And even though, like Colonel Glenn Manning, I have a whole head full of goofy dental work, I still have to have to find time to savor one sometime during harvest time, the closer to Hallowe'en the better.

Now, CANDY apples- don't get me started. Candy apples are for FREAKS!


Steve-Headed Pig-Benton - about 1 year ago
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Hi folks. I have been absent due to a personal tragedy that I caused.
My precious, adored Border Collie...I made mistakes that cost him his life. The unfathomable depths of my despair have been dark. Making it even harder to deal with was how I integrated his name and personality - a real character, a born clown, and since he was a BC, smart as a whip- into the MST3k theme song.
His name was Marcus. The "new" theme song went as follows:
In the not too distant future,
Sa-tur-day-dee
There lives a dog named Mar Mar,
An adorable Border Collie,
He worked at the sheep dog trial show,
A handsome gent in his tuxedo,
He did a good job puttin' sheeps in their place,
Til the day they wouldn't mind him so he shot'em in their face

"We're very disappointed", the trial judges said,
"We need sheep brought to market, not shot in the head.
So keep in mind we won't abide a willful collie like that"
So he said "Well, then, screw you guys, I'll go play with my cat!"
(Collie roll call)
Marcus! Marcus! Marcus! Marrrrrrrrrrrr-cus!
If you're woundering just what the hell this whole song is about,
Repeat to yourself "He's a collie dog" and whip your Frisbee out...
For Border Collie Theater, 3000.

____________________________________________________

A lot of heavy stuff had come down before then, and I was already struggling. Causing Marcus's death...I just lost the will to live.


Jaguar Wong Abides - over 2 years ago
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Hey Steve, is everything alright or have things gotten better?!? Doc said he talked to you recently but just wanted to hear straight from the horse's mouth...


Steve-Headed Pig-Benton - about 3 years ago
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Something has happened. I may not make it back from this. I hope those of you I've loved know who you are because I don't want to list all of you and forget someone.
I may make one more post. But I may not. Love and peace and more strength than I have to you all.


Jaguar Wong Abides - about 3 years ago
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Hey Steve, wanted to let you know Phantom Chicken is now Jaguar Wong...Same weird f*cker just a different name ;)


Steve-Headed Pig-Benton - about 3 years ago
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They are not long, the weeping and the laughter,
Love and desire and hate;
I think they have no portion in us after
We pass the gate.

They are not long, the days of wine and roses,
Out of a misty dream
Our path emerges for a while, then closes
Within a dream.


Steve-Headed Pig-Benton - about 3 years ago
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My guard stood hard when abstract threats
Too noble to neglect
Deceived me into thinking
I had something to protect

Good and bad, I define these terms

Quite clear, no doubt, somehow

Ah, but I was so much older then
I'm younger than that now


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What was my nickname that involved the word "salesman"? I don't even remember that.


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Hey. STEVE-A-RINO. ::end Woody Harrelson to Randy Quaid in 'Kingpin' voice where they're pretending to be dictionary salesmen to hustle people and Randy Quaid's character forgets his name is supposed to be 'Steve':: How's everything?


Steve-Headed Pig-Benton - over 3 years ago
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" How am I supposed to fix this guy? He's fucked!"

Hey everybody (whoever you might be).
Something has gone brilliantly wrong with this clunker. Dealing with more pain than I have in the over 25 years since my first knee replacements.


Favorite Episodes

  1. Godzilla vs. Megalon
    302
  2. Cave Dwellers
    423
  3. Monster A-Go Go
    333
  4. Manos: The Hands of Fate
    667
  5. Pod People
    554
  6. Catalina Caper
    259
  7. Fugitive Alien
    324
  8. Lost Continent
    240
  9. War of the Colossal Beast
    219
  10. Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster
    194
  11. The Beatniks
    182
  12. Rocketship X-M
    278
  13. Ring of Terror
    188
  14. The Indestructible Man
    153
  15. Master Ninja I
    249
  16. Daddy-O
    244
  17. The Amazing Colossal Man
    204
  18. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
    289
  19. Night of the Blood Beast
    307
  20. Gamera vs. Guiron
    242
  21. Attack of the the Eye Creatures
    225
  22. Warrior of the Lost World
    324
  23. Deathstalker and the Warriors From Hell
    329
  24. Gamera
    239
  25. Teenagers from Outer Space
    277
  26. Earth vs. the Spider
    192
  27. Attack of the Giant Leeches
    210
  28. Crash of the Moons
    168
  29. The Creeping Terror
    244
  30. Teenage Strangler
    306
  31. The Giant Gila Monster
    248
  32. The Sword and the Dragon
    216
  33. Star Force: Fugitive Alien II
    250
  34. Master Ninja II
    155
  35. Mitchell
    569
  36. Eegah
    380
  37. The Day the Earth Froze
    270
  38. Bride of the Monster
    230
  39. The Skydivers
    267
  40. Outlaw of Gor
    309
  41. Alien from L.A.
    271
  42. Gamera vs. Zigra
    169
  43. The Wild World of Batwoman
    226
  44. Hercules
    151
  45. The Crawling Eye
    256
  46. Jungle Goddess
    184
  47. Santa Claus
    286
  48. Samson Vs The Vampire Women
    270
  49. The Sinister Urge
    211
  50. King Dinosaur
    198
  51. Escape 2000
    249
  52. Laserblast
    385
  53. The Viking Women and the Sea Serpent
    219
  54. The Killer Shrews
    250
  55. Hercules Unchained
    179
  56. The Beast of Yucca Flats
    251
  57. Radar Secret Service
    219
  58. Robot Monster
    152
  59. Gamera vs. Barugon
    170
  60. The Magic Sword
    204
  61. The Brain that Wouldn't Die
    331
  62. Manhunt in Space
    163
  63. Beginning of the End
    257
  64. The Dead Talk Back
    276
  65. Last of the Wild Horses
    159
  66. Teenage Crime Wave
    178
  67. Gamera vs. Gaos
    146
  68. Wild Rebels
    163
  69. Angels' Revenge
    204
  70. The Hellcats
    111
  71. Rocket Attack USA
    147
  72. Girls Town
    284
  73. Tormented
    218
  74. Hercules and the Captive Women
    153
  75. The Violent Years
    167
  76. Hercules Against the Moon Men
    209
  77. Zombie Nightmare
    297
  78. The Crawling Hand
    157
  79. Robot Holocaust
    153
  80. Teenage Caveman
    149
  81. Mighty Jack
    168
  82. The Unearthly
    197
  83. Fire Maidens of Outer Space
    220
  84. The Rebel Set
    156
  85. City Limits
    168

Recent Comments with recent replies

NCNL XIIX
Forum - 6 days ago
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Again: these are to be looked at only. No comments: no laighs, please.


NCNL XIIIX
Forum - 12 days ago
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I keep trying to make these uncommentable and you keep frustrating me. This should learn ya.


My life is complete.
Forum - about 1 month ago
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One bottle of bourbon, someone close to me, and 3 episodes of MST3k. It's been too long since I've even watched the show with anyone. It's also been too long since I've participated in the forum. So hello! And konnichiwa.


Rifftrax Top 10
Forum - 4 months ago
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I'm going to open this bag of worms...nice friendly worms: one called Simon.

What are your top 10 Rifftrax of all Time? This minute for me:

- Grizzly
- Ator
- Woman in Green
- King of Kong Island
- Maturing Woman (short) [because of THAT genius bit at the end]
- Guy from Harlem
- Trucker's Woman
- Revenge of Dr X
- Wonder women
- Dinosaurus


(OT!) A Classic Rock Challenge
Forum - 14 days ago
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Without using a search engine, can you identify the song my current "name joke" is referencing?
(As it will change in future, this thread refers to "Xterra lifts up his eyes and says 'come on, take me away' ".)


Recent Riffs

107 - Robot Monster - about 3 years ago
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"Man, somebody's gotta take that kid outta the rain".


K09 - Phase IV - over 3 years ago
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TOM SERVO: "You know...This ant problem seems kinda' minor in the midst of the flying turtle problems the people of Japan experienced. I think we're being insensitive."


K06 - Gamera vs. Gaos - almost 4 years ago
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"If we could arrange in some way for it to be distracted we could attack it with safety..."
...we can tap it on one shoulder and appear over the other.