Here are the new rules, y'all:

As per the suggestion of Daiquiri, I'm going to post 12 sub-threads on this thread that are numbered and each will be for the corresponding line to the song. Y'all post your suggestions for what you think each one should be and I'll put together the ones with the most laughs into the song! (Yay, teamwork!)

Call me weird, but I think the Selling Wizard girl is hot :)

But then, I thought the same about Judy--the "squishy" girl from Young Man's Fancy :D

So, I just had a flashback to a disturbing thing from my childhood. The bellybutton bit at the beginning reminded me of a very strange and kind of upsetting children's book about a kid who was born without a bellybutton and went to a factory to get one.

I can't be the only person who read that book or thought it was weird.

I just saw a trailer for the reboot with cinematics. Seeing Crow stand up higher in the theatre, seeing Tom's hoverskirt working, but still seeming to be the same feel of the series? I knew this was going to be good! The trailer can be found here, and it makes me all the more confident we did the right thing! : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ct0Z2bQndM

So Rifftrax.com just dropped "Ator, The Fighting Eagle," AKA the movie to which episode 301, "Cave Dwellers," is a sequel, for those interested but not enough to get Rifftrax's emails. (: Enjoy! Or not. The choice...is yours.

what happened to the new episodes? their kick start raised enough money and now I cant find anything about it anywhere

This episode is always so comforting to come back to. It's all beige and homey...

That moment when the chicken talks suggestively to the narrator may be the single creepiest moment in any of these shorts.

The problem is the growing threat of overpopulation. The doc's solution is to slow down human metabolism so we consume fewer resources. (Really, this would only affect food consumption.) Put aside for the moment that he can do so without reducing activity level. (Which is either a direct self-contradiction or what he really means is that he's increasing efficiency.) The side effects of his plan are, he tells us, twofold. First, humans will be half their present size. (Which means the next step of his plan will be to convince the entire human race to choose to have dwarf children.) The second is that the human lifespan will be doubled. (Er, doc? I thought the point of this exercise was to address overpopulation. You don't see any problem...? No? Okay, then...) His method for bringing on this massive change in biology is breeding. (Which, in the case of humans, means eugenics. So maybe, instead of a species-wide breeding program, it would be simpler and easier to just convince the entire human race to limit themselves to two children per couple?) He's chosen shrews as his test subjects because their two-week life cycle allows him to rapidly advance his breeding program. (The nine months he's been at this translates into roughly 18 generations, then? If you're so worried about the looming threat, maybe you should try for a solution that won't take centuries to implement?) Unfortunately, in the course of his experiments to make animals smaller and less hungry (which he says have been successful) , he somehow produced a generation of mutants that grew to 20 times the size of their parents (how does that work?) while remaining just as ravenous as the creatures he started out with in the first place. Also, they're immune to poison. In fact, they can drink it up, store it in their saliva glands (which were never designed to do any such thing), and keep it in their mouths for days without ever running out. A poison, mind you, which is so deadly that a mere scratch will kill an adult human in about a minute. Oh, and also, despite the whole point being to reduce their metabolism, they're no longer nocturnal, and will hunt night and day even as they starve to death. But, while they will turn upon each other, they'll only do so as an absolute last resort, which means that they'll first hunt down the last remaining food on the island, and not even bother going after the corpses of their own, which said food has killed.

Is that about right? Did I miss anything? No wonder the spineless ex-fiancée drank so much.

Rock Climbing, guys. Rock climbing.

The actor who played Lewis was 42 when this was filmed!