MST3K: The Movie (This Island Earth)

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"Alien invaders are bombarding our planet. We can't hold out much longer."
"What will we do? Evacuate?"
"Obviously. But that will take time. Time we don't have. Our defenses will collapse in a matter of weeks! Our only hope is to get more uranium in time to power our generators. Fortunately, there's a habitable planet within range."
"Oh, good. So we can buy uranium from them!"
"What? No."
"So we'll have them make uranium for us?"
"Don't be silly. Their technology is well behind ours."
"I see. So we'll conquer them and take their uranium."
"No! Weren't you listening? Our fleet isn't ready yet."
"Oh, right. So... what's the plan?"
"We'll fly a small group out there. Build a house in a remote area. Bring in their top scientists, and have them figure out how to make uranium for us!"
"I thought you said their technology was behind ours."
"It is. But I'm sure they'll be able to figure this one out. Look, our scientists are busy making insectoid mutants. Do you have any idea how hard it is to make giant bugs that can understand and obey orders?"
"Uhm, well... No. So how will you know who among them is smart enough to do the job?"
"Simple. We'll spy on them, find out who is working in the field, study their work, see how close they are, and then test their intelligence."
"Oh. That makes sense, I guess. How will you test them?"
"Furniture assembly!"
"It's perfect. Their primitive culture is still decades away from developing IKEA technology. So if they can figure out how to build a TV set from a bunch of parts with no manual, they're clearly advanced enough to save our planet."
"I can't argue with that. So... we've only got weeks to live. We're going to outsource R&D on the one thing that can save our entire planet to a bunch of aliens with primitive technology and hope they can do the job in time."
"And to get their cooperation, we'll offer to share some of our advanced technology in exchange for their help?"
"What? No. We're going to tell them we're working for world peace and then refuse to explain anything else and act really suspicious. They'll be working against us the whole time. But don't worry about that. As soon as they suspect anything we'll just blow up the entire base of operations with all their research in it. It'll be fine. Then you can bring the survivors here just in time to watch the entire planet be rendered uninhabitable. Look, just get going. This is our only chance."
"And you do realize that adding mass to turn lead into uranium will, of necessity, take more energy than you could extract from reversing the process to fission the uranium, right?"
"We don't have time to argue, man! The planet is going to be destroyed! Go get those humans working already! Their brains are half the size of ours and what passes for computers are still working off vacuum tubes. They're going to need all the time they can get! Oh, that reminds me: Be sure to save the one who is closest to finding the answer for last on your recruiting list. Now get going!"

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I think the "Normal View!!!" song may be my favorite riff of all time. It's just perfect.

Snuffy Wuffykiss - about 3 years ago
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Had to watch on another site but i comment here!
I watched this in the theater back in the late 90's when it came out and it was , LITERALLY, one of the coolest moments of my life. I kinda miss the carefree days of my youth when I payed to go watch movies instead of just downloading them.