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1111 - Wizards of the Lost Kingdom II



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interkey cherry - 11 days ago
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I wanna know more about this because this is really informative!



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interkey cherry - 11 days ago
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I highly appreciate your work here! Thank you so much!

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interkey cherry - 11 days ago
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I love your content! Great job!

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geebranz
Geebranz - 22 days ago
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Finally! season 2!

B1G fridays


Looney Hans - 29 days ago
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Awesome! Learned alot thanks so much keep posting more. www.weldingelpaso.com


What even was that?
Rocket J. Forklift - about 2 months ago
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A bumbling failed wizard and an untrained peasant boy are the prophesied saviors of the kingdom(s). Okay, sure. Kind of boilerplate, but it's a start.

The wizard can't actually do magic anymore, and what little he can do he gets completely wrong. But the boy somehow just picks it all up offscreen? But, you know what? Never mind. The boy's a natural and he's got the extra guidance of the ghost of the only competent wizard the region has apparently ever seen and... uhm... maybe his youth means... he's got lots of mana and a purer heart (which is occasionally overcome by hormones) and a more flexible mind that's not overburdened with preconceived notions. Or something. Whatever.

So they... walk straight into the palace of the all-powerful evil king of the first kingdom. While a bunch of peasants trounce the armed professional soldiers outside. sigh I guess.

He faces the first evil wizard, who is armed with one of the three most powerful artifacts in the world. And overcomes it with a simple cantrip. I guess the first one had to be easy because he was starting out with nothing, and this is the beginner quest?

Anyway, the Amulet of Light has the power to turn people to stone. Because if light is known for anything, it's a strong affinity for stone, opacity, and lack of motion. And its weakness is fire because of course fire and light can't possibly go together.

Anyway, he leaves them to get their kingdom in order while he goes to overthrow the next tyrant. He immediately runs into the rightful queen, who is fleeing the overwhelming power of the evil wizard and his army, but then she immediately turns around because she has to go back and reconquer the kingdom all by herself, although she will accept help, which is good because her entire plan hinges on the boy sneaking into the castle by himself to steal the most powerful artifact in the kingdom before she can lead her people into rebellion. It's very important because the magical sword can... uhm... stab people. And that's it. So there's absolutely no harm in just passing it around to whomever needs to stab people right now.

Anyway, the ghost wizard wakes up the kid to tell him that he needs to go into the evil lair all alone, and this is not, in fact, a trick designed to trap the kid (like the ones we kept seeing in the last movie. Really, it isn't. And the adults have absolutely no objection to this plan.

He's immediately seduced by an adult woman and fails the test of heart. Also, she's a wizard, too. But he's once again saved by the ghost wizard and she, a grown adult with magic powers, is completely defenseless against a kid weakly holding a dagger in her general direction. Or maybe she wanted him to kill her boss/lover/rival? It's not at all clear. No one cares.

Armed with an amulet that can turn his enemies to stone, the boy... Lets the bad guy go, lets the slaves do all the fighting, and wanders off to the next kingdom.

Now he's got an invincible magic sword and an amulet that can turn his enemies to stone and the world's greatest warrior. So, of course the plan is they get captured and... Whatever. Stuff happens.

Anyone, good or evil, faced with any challenger immediately either surrenders or dies. Also, for no particular reason, half the names thrown around are mispronounced bits of Norse mythology. But no one talks about that because it's kind of a Thor subject.

Anyway, the quest is complete and the three artifacts are united under the power of the last remaining good wizard, so now the prophecy is... Nope. Never mind. We'll just let the old guy decide who rules over the three kingdoms which are apparently an archipelago even though all the action has been completely inland and also now they're one kingdom. And the old guy picks the amoral lecher to be married to the amazon queen, and even though they've never met before and she's the most noble and capable warrior in the movie she just happily jumps into his lap.

The bumbling failed wizard has done his job and earned his retirement, and anyway what little power he had is all but faded in his old age. And the boy, ostensibly pure-hearted, just wants to go home and help his mother run the farm. (Even though, again, his job is to unite the three artifacts and use their combined power to remake the world into a paradise... or something.)

But no. Even though he's faced the most powerful evil wizards the kingdom has ever seen and killed all of them (which is actually okay, but only if they were actively attacking him at the time of their deaths instead of standing there unarmed and taunting him without actually attacking, because that's the rules of being the good guy), he still has to prove himself worthy of that power by... Training the guy who taught him everything he knows? Shaping him into a competent wizard even though actual trained senior wizards couldn't? It's not even setting up a sequel. It's just... taking away the promised end of his quest so he can meander off or something.

There is no action. There is no acting. There is no tension. There is... pretty much nothing. The kid just wanders from one encounter to the next until the movie's over. Sometimes fighting means bloodlessly poking a sword next to the other guy because this is a kid's movie, but sometimes it means throwing a knife in their chest and watching them fall over dead. Sometimes it's about a kid on a lighthearted magical quest, but sometimes it's about a stripper who strangles men with her thighs while the kid watches in approval.

Even for a direct-to-video Corman sequel, I expected more.


Wizards 1 vs. Wizards 2
Toblerone Laugh - about 2 years ago
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Which do you prefer?

(I cannot say, for I am MAD.)


Zeitgeist Meister - about 3 years ago
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The punt bunnies are basically Al Capp's Kigmies.


johnee1 peter - 2 months ago
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Know that it is you who will get you where you want to go, no one else cookie clicker


Bob Parker - 11 months ago
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I think Carradine made this movie while he was still alive, but it's hard to tell.


Lana Clarkson AMATHEA murdered by Phil Spector 2003
John Adams - over 3 years ago
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Lana Clarkson was in this movie and I'm actually surprised there were no glancing riffs on Phil Spector. Crow would have eaten that up.


Gender Neutral Mushroom Child - over 3 years ago
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Tyor is such a little turd in so many different ways. So many different roundhouse-to-the-face-worthy ways.


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Rumor has it that Joel Hodgson thought going back to the well for the sequel was a mistake. Nah. Once my shock at the astounding cheapness wore off, I really embraced the nonsense and the riffs. Even if they didn't come thick and fast enough for some other old-timers' tastes.


Crouching_Penn_Hidden_Teller - over 3 years ago
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the two main characters are an old drunk dude and a nervous teenage boy and no Rick and Morty references?


Snuffy Wuffykiss - over 3 years ago
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Well.... it was better than the first one.