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605 - Colossus and the Headhunters



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Looney Hans - 29 days ago
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Ellie Perkins - about 1 month ago
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june alexis - about 2 months ago
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Looney Hans - about 2 months ago
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GallantServer - 7 months ago
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Frank singing about NummyMuffinCocoaButter reminds me of when Max sang about Kiog.


Rocket J. Forklift - about 1 year ago
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So...

Cheesesteak "rescues" these people from the destruction of their island by letting them on his raft with no food, water, or shelter. They set course for the only other island they know in the region, which is still pretty far away. They're half-dead on arrival, so he leaves them to rest while he scouts around. They are promptly captured by the natives because... uhm... why?

Anyway, Cheesesteak apparently fits the prophecy of some rescuer, which changes everything, so the princess agrees to free them all. Cheesesteak tells her he can't help her because he has an obligation to the last people he rescued (which, frankly, should warn her about the quality of his work). But as soon as they're gone, he says that, actually, he's planning to double back and help her as soon as they're safe. There is absolutely no reason he couldn't have told her that instead of making her believe he's a heartless coward. Then again, his big rescue plan for them is to just set them adrift on the raft with no supplies and nowhere to go. Seems like they'd be better off joining forces with the princess.

Kermie's guys swoop in while Cheesesteak (and a handful of the guard who went to spy on him) are gone. It does not appear that their presence would have made any appreciable difference.

Kermie, it seems, is a court noble/advisor who betrayed the king to a tribe of headhunters (or possibly staged a coup? I forget. Does it matter?) in order to become king of the golden city. Except that the battle left the city in ruins and none of the citizens will go to the city while their king is in exile. So, really, it's a rather pointless coup.

Kermie kidnaps the princess and forces her to agree to marry him by threatening her father's life. And forces her father to bless the wedding by threatening the princess's life.

Cheesesteak plays the key role of... Telling the princess's loyalists that she needs to be rescued and then wandering off. The loyalists rout the headhunters with minimal assistance from Cheesesteak, which makes one wonder why they were sitting around waiting for Cheesesteak to show up on their island in the first place.

Kermie runs away with the princess. Cheesesteak gives chase. For some reason, none of the princess's guard follow. Kermie traps Cheesesteak behind a portcullis, but when Cheesesteak stands there slowly lifting it, Kermie does not even attempt to so much as throw something sharp in his direction.

Cheesesteak kills Kermie (his one contribution to the war effort). Kermie dies at the foot of the golden throne he'd so long sought. (That's the irony you were missing, Mike.)

Cheesesteak, sensing the movie is over and that there's a need to reset things for the sequel, goes back to his raft, planning to leave everyone behind. Even though he could have stayed to help with the rebuilding effort and the princess's attraction is clearly mutual and he's got a bunch of friends there... Nope. Back to the raft and the open ocean with no other land or civilization anywhere in the region. The princess, having successfully led her people all this time, decides to quietly abandon them all, leaving them in the hands of her elderly blind father who just spent who knows how long locked in a dingy prison cell with minimal care and who has no other legitimate heir, so that she can get lost at sea with Cheesesteak (who still has no provisions). The end.

Really, you could cut Cheesesteak out of this entirely and the only difference it would make is that it would make more sense. The princess and her people escape from the coup, regroup, get ambushed and captured. The captain of the guard, who was away from camp at the time, rallies the survivors to counter-attack. Bad guy escapes with the princess, guard captain pursues and rescues her, the city is saved. Oh, and they get to keep that big wooden watchtower, which seems like it might be useful for spotting any headhunters that try to attack again. The only thing you lose is half a movie's worth of muscle-bound padding slowly walking from one place to another while the action happens elsewhere.


Rocket J. Forklift - about 1 year ago
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As I went to bed last night, I was thinking about how it was a cool little detail that poor Gypsy's allergies caused her to have a yellow, bloodshot eye. (II'm not sure how that's supposed to work, but I think it's a case of "just relax.")

I guess it's not surprising that I had what I believe is my first MST3K dream. (I almost never remember even having dreamed, let alone what my dreams are, so it's hard to be sure.) I only remember a little of it. But I was watching the ep again and I wanted a closer look at Gypsy. For some reason, I tried putting on polarized lenses. And somehow that enabled me to see and hear a hidden layer. The bots were communicating with each other wirelessly!

In their mindscape, Gypsy now appeared to be a humanoid girl, and she was smoking a cigarette because the comic book she was reading had an ad with a cool-looking girl like her smoking. (Come to think, I did watch The Dead Talk Back a few days ago, where Dr. F tries to use "pinpoint marketing" to get Mike to smoke Nelson Cigarettes.) Tom and Crow catch her at it and find themselves torn between telling on her and wanting to read the comic book.

That's as much as I remember. But it was a thrill to find there was this whole extra layer to the show just waiting to be discovered, and I was excited to share with you.


The Romantic Rationalist - about 1 year ago
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The snorting, drooling, and pig noises from NummyMuffinKookleButter gets me every time.


Rocket J. Forklift - about 1 year ago
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My favorite part of the whole episode has got to be the chicken noises at the start of the dance.

My least favorite part of the episode has got to be the dance (which is explicitly designed to pad out the ceremony) dragging on and on with nothing from M&tB beyond groaning that, yes, it's still going on.


Stacey - over 1 year ago
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Frank's temper tantrum is so cute! lol


staticdrill - over 1 year ago
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king holy momma?


staticdrill - over 1 year ago
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O.H.P.A.P.I.M.S.T.D.Y.A.O.T.M.H.
one handed people against people in movies saying throw down your arms OR take my hand


William Marcus - about 2 years ago
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Huh... according to Wikipedia, Maciste ("Muh Cheesesteak") is a recurring character in Italian cinema, but he was often renamed for western audiences. He previously turned up in "Hercules against the Moon Men".


Crouching_Penn_Hidden_Teller - about 2 years ago
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this should have ended with Dr.Forrester trying to do something REALLY nasty to NummyMuffinKookleButter and Frank going all aggro on him to stop him


Jeff Lingenfelter - over 3 years ago
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I think Puma Man could take Collossus


D0S81 - over 2 years ago
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not the best riffs, but with what they had to work with, i'd say they had their work cut out for them, cuz boy was this film bad.


Thomas Derek Robinson - over 3 years ago
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This is an underappreciated sword and sandal gem in my mind....only a 166 laughs??? Not only because of TVs Frank's adorable Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter song, which is "tre fantasique" but the superb riffing... nearly fell out of bed at the "lawn-moa" gag hahahaha


Margaret Rawhide Chew - over 3 years ago
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"The Greeks return to the river of their birth to spawn."


Teri Gee - almost 8 years ago
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So...I'm just thinking about this. The robots are susceptible to mental breakdowns, to being sung to sleep, to being taken over by pods, to becoming poseurs. Mike is resistant to all that, but he succumbs to NMCB. So...what is the difference?


Camazotz: The Bat of Des - over 3 years ago
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Is NummyMuffinCoocolButter just Tibby doing cosplay?


S.A. Nathe - almost 4 years ago
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who'd win? Cheesesteak or toblerone?


c_purvis - over 3 years ago
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But I need more coppertone


Lisa Matriccino - over 3 years ago
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I love Crow's Rowan Atkinson impression - "Oh, damn!" - spot on.


Will Rosanoff - over 3 years ago
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Macheesesteak!!! :)


S.A. Nathe - almost 4 years ago
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pre-San Fran Intl. Airport ep riff of David Brenner @ the end of the movie!!


Danger! Head hunter
Mike I - almost 4 years ago
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@1:10:08 That is in fact Frank (Andre the Giant and Michael Caine's baby) from Danger! Death Ray. His name is Nello Pazzafini and the character he plays here is named Gunk.


Klaatu - about 4 years ago
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@ 1:20:14 the guy actually loses some of his bridgework!


Enquiring minds don't want to know
Mugh Hungus - almost 4 years ago
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I didn't see any food or water when Colossus dud saved those people. Wonder why the number of people on the raft kept going down .....


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Just watched this last night, and I can't help wondering... just who the hell was responsible for casting the parts in this turkey? Who was responsible for picking out the guy to play "Colossus"? F'cripesake, just look at the guy -- he's not any taller than any other character, he doesn't even have a cool beard, and they expect the audience to think of this guy as a Colossus? This standard-issue gym rat? Are they shittin' us, man? D'ahh ha ha ha ha ha hah.

Of course, mind you, this massive casting FAIL makes this episode even more enjoyable.


S.A. Nathe - over 5 years ago
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there's a movie that RIFFTRAX does,"Sons of Hercules", that i think has Cheesesteak in it


Bullwinkle is a .....
Mega Rat2000 - almost 5 years ago
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Lessons to remember (1) if given choice between bright cloth or animal skins for clothes always go colorfull cloth (2) Don't live on a Volcanic Island made of Styrofoam (3) Cheesesteak and Richard Basehart is good .....


Stephen - over 9 years ago
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At 1:10:09 is that the ribbit guy from Danger Death Ray?


Snuffy Wuffykiss - about 6 years ago
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Nummy Muffin aside, this is a freaking great episode. Loads of great riffs and then... the worst dance ever filmed!!!


Krankor - almost 5 years ago
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Dang now I want a Philly cheese steak !


Macheesesteak: Prince of Thebes
S.A. Nathe - over 5 years ago
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is it just me, or does this KINDA reflect/remind-you-of ROBIN HOOD PRINCE OF THIEVES.....kinda....


S.A. Nathe - over 5 years ago
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what about having to appease the gods by honoring the ancient ritual of the traditional pre-fight donut??
(TMNT II reference)


3 laughs

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that the NMCB sketch line is one of the worst in the show's entire run? Painful to me and one of the few episodes where I so dislike the host segments I...
I....
I FF through them.


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No one pushed the button. Is this the only time that happens while Frank is around?


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♫ With My Cheesesteak I will stop ♫ (tick, tick, tick) ♫ the world... ♫


Stereo Catz - almost 8 years ago
7 laughs

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People keep dying but the numbers never drop!


Bryson Gerard - over 7 years ago
1 laugh

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"Watch out for snakes!" from the Joel-era EEGAH episode. Longest mst running gag nominee.
"No, no. Myth, MYTH."
"Yes?"


Sean Barry - over 7 years ago
3 laughs

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The director must have something against pants... maybe he has vestiphobia: http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Vestiphobia


The humanity - over 7 years ago
6 laughs

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Arrow injuries to the chest apparently aren't that big of a deal


Just Johnny Baca - about 6 years ago
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The opening scene looks like Night of the Living Dead Eegahs.


The humanity - over 7 years ago
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Franks tantrum... haha...


NS - about 6 years ago
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As our island erupted, we fled
And crashed a queen's wedding instead.
Endless dancing and fighting
Makes this peplum exciting.
My cheese steak! My bronzed look! My head!


Thomas Mersman - about 6 years ago
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34:30 !!!


Reboot
Mitchell - about 6 years ago
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I want to see these host segments remade as - Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter- DESTROYER OF WORLDS ! ! !


Crow TRobot - almost 7 years ago
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HILARIOUS!!! Any MST3K movie with battle scenes is going to be a winner and the battle scenes in this are hysterical! (especially when "Colossus" is almost always conveniently nowhere around during the battles)


Bruce Ellsworth Reed - about 8 years ago
6 laughs

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@ 00:24:00, Frank is standing in front of a window with stars, how is that possible if you are deep inside the earth? *g*


Crypto Dentist - over 8 years ago
5 laughs

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There's something about MST3K and strange, extended dance sequences... Also it seems the tribe could have taken those headhunters any time. Was there any "plot" to discourage that notion?


Richard Deakin - over 8 years ago
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I wonder if Frank still has Nummy Muffin Cocoa Butter as a pet lol. His head is probably hung over his mantle lol. How apropriate that would be seeing that the movie was Colossus and the "HEAD"hunters lol. Trivia time: ever wonder why the film's called Colossus and the Headhunters and the dude's kept being called mycheesesteak? Simple, it's a case of the left hand not knowing what the right hand was doing. It's an Italian movie originally called macheesteak and the headhunters(named after an italian mythological figure) and when it was put into english for the American viewing public they never changed his name on the script to Colossus(for the American viewer) and the voice-over people never caught it and kept saying mycheesesteak! Sux since they spent alotta money on the main title huh :-)


Jerome Montgomery II - over 8 years ago
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A Wahoo McDaniels reference in this movie.To those that don't know Wahoo McDaniels he was pro wrestler and pro football player in the then AFL Miami Dolphins in the late 1960s


Sabrina Domingues - over 8 years ago
5 laughs

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♫ Nummy, Nummy, Nummy I got cocoa butter in my tummy ♫


8 laughs

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As much as I'm against the exploitation of women as sex symbols, it is much much MUCH better to see scantily-clad women than men. This movie has exposed me to more man-thighs than I ever needed to see...


Rachel Adams - over 9 years ago
9 laughs

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If I ever get a dog, I know what its name will be! (Nummymuffincocoabutter!) Or maybe my firstborn....


NMCB Timewarp
Mitchell - over 6 years ago
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Amazingly, Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter stuff only takes up about 8 & a half minutes of this episode- yet it feels like a lifetime!


B RYE the MST3K Guy - over 7 years ago
3 laughs

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i bet we all wish we had our eyeballs plucked out like the lucky king during the "dance to the gods "


Scott A. Taylor - over 7 years ago
4 laughs

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Well .. Ma-Cheese-Steak maybe as dumb as a rock .. but ooph! .. What-a-body!!! Wouldn't kick him outta bed for eating cookies. Come-on camera guy .. caress that oiled body with your lens ... work it, WORK IT!!!!


Last of the Wild Ponies - over 6 years ago
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7:12 Kramer!


Stephen A Nathe - about 7 years ago
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i caught you, you bitch...!


Stephen A Nathe - about 7 years ago
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"oh don't get me down or anything, it's not like I'm being defiled..."

poor Sir Paul


Stephen A Nathe - about 7 years ago
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welcome to buffalo shot, the movie, part deux


Perry Barrett - about 7 years ago
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23:12 Tv's Frank Sinatra


Just Johnny Baca - about 7 years ago
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Frank is the singing polar opposite of Tom Servo, but I think Frank would win in an arm wrestling contest.


Stephen A Nathe - about 7 years ago
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i'd think this would be more action'y....
but i then realize this IS being riff'ed, so my expectations are automatically set to "No, don't bother, it'll just end up leading to tears..."


TrekFan - about 7 years ago
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The second link doesnt have that annoying buzzing noise the whole time!


Leo Brochu - over 7 years ago
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~37:20 I think that's Nello Pazzafini, who you might recognize from 'Danger!! Death Ray' (credited Ted Carter) wherein he played "Frank" (I guess?), the bespectacled machine-gunner who steals the eponymous death ray...


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Frank's tantrum as Dr. F is trying to tell Mike about his movie always cracks me up. I've seen SO MANY toddlers do precisely what Frank is doing. He captures it perfectly.


Joseph Ewing - about 8 years ago
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IT'S MICHAEL CAINE AND ANDRE THE GIANT'S CHILD AGAIN!


Kimono Dragon - about 9 years ago
7 laughs

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So "Colossus", who isn't actually... well, colossus, stops King Kermit the Ringo Starr look alike, from taking over Elbonia, the land of mud (see Dilbert). Riveting, really. Thank goodness the riffs were legedary!


Gal Dagon - over 9 years ago
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Is this... Is this a ripoff of the Hercules brand? *head explodes.*


to arms!
Sean Barry - over 7 years ago
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The fight scenes in this movie remind me of when I go to the park and the renaissance festival people have taken over a baseball field for "training."


A Silhouette - over 7 years ago
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I'm not your cheesesteak!


mst3klover$@) - over 7 years ago
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then what happened?


Stephen A Nathe - over 7 years ago
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Hi Ho! Kermie's here!!
Dammit Me!!

aaahhhh.... Servo


NS - over 9 years ago
11 laughs

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The beginning of this movie is actually the end of "Fire Monster Against the Son of Hercules," hence the cavemen turning into ancient Greeks between scenes. Confused the heck out of me the first time I saw it.


Cliff Beefpile - over 8 years ago
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I've always loved the way "Colossus" just kind of strolls onto the scene, casually, to save everyone. No reason to lose your cool just because the whole bloody island is sinking in a ball of lava and flame!


5 laughs

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They sure found the bottom of the costume barrel for this movie


Elisa Farrington - about 8 years ago
5 laughs

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To quote Nummy Muffin Coolcol Butter being put in the basket: "Ouch!"
That, the close-up of the sick pooch, Frank's tantrum and the noises Tom adds to the guy blowing on the ram horn during the chicken dance are what made me laugh the most.


Stereo Catz - almost 8 years ago
9 laughs

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1:16:55 First things first, before the battle it’s time to waste considerable energy to knock over a tower for no reason whatsoever.


Mike Carmona - almost 8 years ago
5 laughs

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Original title: My Cheese-steak and Egg


Stereo Catz - almost 8 years ago
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1:06:40 Yeah, quit wasting the time of the immortal and eternal gods!


Stereo Catz - almost 8 years ago
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Huh, so Frank is empathically linked with a fuzzy slipper.


Elisa Farrington - about 8 years ago
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"There's implied death everywhere." - My kind of movie; I gave it a laugh.


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Oh, dear gaaahhhhddddddd, that liturgical wedding dance is killin' me, man.


Daniel Durham - about 8 years ago
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well that got out of hand quick.


Marshall West Corbett - over 8 years ago
7 laughs

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That dance really will anger the gods


Bronn K - over 8 years ago
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Okay, that one riff at 18:50 had me in stitches, with the lion. "Let's see, do I sleep tonight, or not...or?" Over so fast you don't realize it's there, but great if you catch it.


Fredrick Stafford - over 8 years ago
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Ick…my cheesesteak was quite bland.


Ajax (what's my name?) - almost 9 years ago
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This is still gone? Come back Nummy Muffin Coocal Butter!


Peter Privalov - almost 9 years ago
2 laughs

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This also has been DMCA'd, commenting to note myself.


Stephanie~ - about 9 years ago
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Crow's sob at 40:28 still gets me EVERY TIME! The way he just jolts forward, crying. hahahaha


Joe Weintraub - about 9 years ago
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I thought Frank's song was fantastic.
It was fantastic.
"I repaired your nipple."


Robert Ferguson - about 9 years ago
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Numby-muffin-coo-coo-butter....... WHY does Richard Gere come to mind ??


Jason Edwards - about 9 years ago
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A steel piniata? That could take hours!


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Wow, "Colossus And The Headhunters". Too bad I'm not a musician; that could be the name of my Kingsmen cover band.


Nathan R Wren - over 9 years ago
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Mah cheesesteak!!!