Bg
Rocket J. Forklift (Paul-Gabriel Wiener)
In Third star to the left, and straight on 'til midafternoon
Find me on Facebook

Wall Posts

0 laughs

Report

New account, due to FB login errors: http://www.club-mst3k.com/msties/12898


1 laugh

Report

Hi there! There's no place for an "about me" thing in the profile, so I'm posting on my own wall. If you're curious enough to come to this page, maybe you want to know something. So here are a few things, in no particular order:

* I have long names. Call me whatever works. I usually go by "Paul." "Rocky" works here. The full screen name is just there to amuse me.

* "Favorite" episodes are unsorted, and somewhat arbitrary. Depends on my mood when I watched. But I'm generally not one to pick favorites. I enjoy something or not, on its own terms. I don't like pitting them against each other to say which is better or not as good.

* I'm fairly open about stuff, and I like getting to know cool people. Feel free to drop me a line, ask questions, check out my FB profile. Or not. Whatever floats your giant turtle.

That's it for now. Have a MSTie day, and keep circulating the AVI files!


Favorite Episodes

  1. The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy
    212
  2. Phase IV
    65
  3. SST: Death Flight
    83
  4. Robot Monster
    160
  5. Moon Zero Two
    219
  6. Untamed Youth
    144
  7. Cave Dwellers
    465
  8. Pod People
    595
  9. Catalina Caper
    290
  10. Time of the Apes
    297
  11. War of the Colossal Beast
    244
  12. The Unearthly
    212
  13. The Giant Gila Monster
    274
  14. Teenagers from Outer Space
    305
  15. Attack of the Giant Leeches
    228
  16. Hercules Unchained
    198
  17. Mighty Jack
    181
  18. Star Force: Fugitive Alien II
    267
  19. Fugitive Alien
    349
  20. The Magic Sword
    217
  21. Hercules and the Captive Women
    166
  22. Fire Maidens of Outer Space
    237
  23. The Rebel Set
    169
  24. The Human Duplicators
    222
  25. Bride of the Monster
    251
  26. Manos: The Hands of Fate
    723
  27. Warrior of the Lost World
    355
  28. Secret Agent Super Dragon
    227
  29. The Magic Voyage of Sinbad
    232
  30. Operation Double 007
    253
  31. The Girl in Lovers Lane
    241
  32. Gunslinger
    173
  33. Mitchell
    616
  34. The Wild World of Batwoman
    243
  35. Alien from L.A.
    290
  36. Outlaw of Gor
    336
  37. Radar Secret Service
    235
  38. 12 to the Moon
    221
  39. The Skydivers
    284
  40. Last of the Wild Horses
    172
  41. The Starfighters
    255

Recent Comments with recent replies

911 - Devil Fish - about 4 years ago
4 laughs

4 replies Comment icon
Report

Wait a sec. The opening titles (credits) end with the name "Old, Jr." and there's no riff? What happened?


1010 - It Lives by Night - about 4 years ago
3 laughs

3 replies Comment icon
Report

Squeak?


1 laugh

1 reply Comment icon
Report

So, pardon me for being city folk, but how, exactly, do you fit four people, all their supplies, a computer, a generator, and a magic weight-sensitive radar array into a 6-foot pop-up camper?


The plot, such as it is, the best I can figure...
1004 - Future War - about 4 years ago
2 laughs

6 replies Comment icon
Report

There are humanoid aliens who call themselves "the masters." They are not from the future. Nor are they at war with anyone. Somehow, despite not having evolved thumbs (or anything that serves the same purpose), they became cyborgs with interstellar space ships. They do not, however, have the technology to build robots. Nor do they have any interest in building thumbs or other gripper attachments. At some point, they learn that Earth has intelligent beings shaped much like them, but who have thumbs. So they kidnap a bunch to serve as slave labor. They also (possibly through time travel) obtain dinosaur-like creatures and train them to serve as "trackers" to hunt down escaped slaves, despite the fact that the slaves are implanted with subcutaneous tracking devices. Also, the dinosaurs are fitted with exploding collars powerful enough to vaporize their bodies, but the system of dinosaur bloodhounds is seen as preferable to fitting the humans with similar collars. The dinosaur collars exist to erase evidence of their presence because apparently having dinosaurs roam the streets isn't a dead giveaway.

The humans have Bible verses on the wall of their living quarters. They understand English (written and spoken), but cannot speak or write it. They know they were taken from Earth, but also consider it to be Heaven.

For some reason, the Masters are returning to Earth. Likely, this is to pick up a fresh batch of slaves. Given that the CIA is apparently aware of this, it's not unlikely they've done so more than once.

Knowing that the ship was near Earth, one of the slaves uses an escape pod to, well, escape. With the help of a plucky nun who was a hooker and a drug dealer and still has connections with arms dealers, he escapes cyborgs and dinosaurs, overwhelming them with slow-mo karate. For some reason, the pair ditch her car and escape on a train, only to end up in the same town. A friendly former John gives her a pound of explosives and a wad of cash for old times' sake. Now armed, they pinpoint the enemy base as some kind of underground pumping station (or possibly an old bunker) which for some reason is made primarily of rotting wood. They know it has to be the place because it's near water (which the dinosaurs need in abundance) and because there's a dinosaur-sized hole in the fence. They plant a bomb outside what's apparently the only entrance, set a timer, go inside, kill a bunch of bad guys, do nothing else (despite apparently having some kind of urgent strategic goal), and escape with seconds to spare before the bomb caves in the entrance, sealing the place off. There is no indication of why they would leave the bomb outside or why they cut the timing so close or why they used a timer as the detonator or why they set the timer before going in or how they survived a blast from a bomb that big.

All of this is enough, for no clear reason, to convince the nun to move past her crisis of faith, and (despite lingering doubts and possibly romantic feelings for the slave) she goes ahead with taking her vows. Except, before she can give the final word, the cyborg in charge of the hunt drops in for a last battle. It is left unclear weather she did finish taking her vows. The slave becomes a rehab counselor.

The giant alien space ship is left drifting through space. Or possibly retreating home. Really, there's no indication whether there are any more crew members on board or other slaves left alive or what this all means for the people on the alien world.

This story is then chopped to bits, shuffled around haphazardly, and padded out with redundant flashbacks so that it makes even less sense.

Is that about it?


313 - Earth vs. the Spider - over 5 years ago
3 laughs

3 replies Comment icon
Report

I can't believe they made it through the whole thing without referencing Spider-Man (was really expecting that when they found the giant web across the road) or Charlotte.

Also: *pushes up nerd glasses* The movie's supposed spider expert kept calling it an insect. Insects have six legs. Spiders are arachnids. Any high school science teacher should know that.


313 - Earth vs. the Spider - over 2 years ago
1 laugh

1 reply Comment icon
Report

Say what you will about the short, but imagine what early instruction to speak clearly and pleasantly, without letting your voice get high and shrill, could have done for Kathy Ireland.


610 - The Violent Years - about 6 years ago
2 laughs

3 replies Comment icon
Report

I know they allude to it a lot while watching the film, but it still has to be said just how good Paula's mother is! I mean it normally wouldn't be anything to comment on, but the whole crux of the film is supposed to be how her parents have failed her. Granted Dad is a little checked-out, (not to what seems to be an abusively negligent degree but OK), but Mom is very present, seems legitimately happy to see and be around her daughter, insists she have a good breakfast, writes her blank checks, is active in the community. What were we supposed to dislike about this character?


braaaaains...
1 laugh

4 replies Comment icon
Report

I like how these villans keep trying to catch the strongest man alive using brute force. C'mon bad guys, use some strategy here! If your quarry is strong, render his strength useless. How would the Herk do in a game of riddles or having to escape some trap that requires finesse and patience? What about poison, stealth assassins, or magic spells (since it IS mythology)? The last movie had the water of forgetfulness, which almost did him in! That's the kind of sinister goodness I expect from my movie bad guys! Hikeeba!


1009 - Hamlet - about 4 years ago
2 laughs

4 replies Comment icon
Report

Gotta love the guys chastising Hamlet for talking over the play. It was already fun that we were watching them watching him watching it, but that was the cherry on top.

Also love Htom Servaux and (Motley) Cröe.


516 - Alien from L.A. - almost 8 years ago
4 laughs

2 replies Comment icon
Report

Hmmm, How many "Dull ones" does it take to make a "Shiny one"


516 - Alien from L.A. - over 8 years ago
2 laughs

5 replies Comment icon
Report

That scene at the end with her ex-boyfriend really bugs me. At the beginning she's everything that's unhealthy in a woman-she doesn't want to do anything or go anywhere. It's not just that she's afraid of flying. So she gets clingy when he tries to break up with her, telling him, "I'll change, tell me what to fix and I'll fix it," which is clingy and unhealthy. She needed to focus on herself a bit more and accept the person she was, and he was smart to recognize that he was not compatible with the person she was, and wouldn't try to make her change.

Then, of course, she does change. She grows more self-confident, she found an ability to travel and a sense of adventure, which might make her a good fit for this guy. But somehow he comes off as immature there, and she's somehow too good for him. It's like she's getting revenge for him for not deciding to control her life and tell her who to be. Weird.


Recent Riffs

414 - Tormented - over 5 years ago
1 laugh

1 reply Comment icon
Report

"Sandy, whatever you're doing, come here at once!" I'm harboring a horrible secret, which I'm sublimating into my unconscious, Mom.


414 - Tormented - over 5 years ago
1 laugh

1 reply Comment icon
Report

♫ I saw Tommy killing be-at-niks... ♫


311 - It Conquered the World - over 5 years ago
3 laughs

1 reply Comment icon
Report

"For a few dollars, you hire a woman who will fit all your fetishes. She'll match your requirements perfectly. And if you ever get tired of her, you can run down to the employment agency for another!" *runs away in tears*
That's a great idea! Honey, you're brilliant!!


113 - The Black Scorpion - over 5 years ago
2 laughs

2 replies Comment icon
Report

You know, Gary talked that way to me once. ... Once.


311 - It Conquered the World - over 5 years ago
2 laughs

1 reply Comment icon
Report

He never used to make deals with the devil before...


607 - Bloodlust - over 5 years ago
3 laughs

Report

Thank you for your request to come pick you up. We are sorry to inform you that we cannot...


414 - Tormented - over 5 years ago
1 laugh

2 replies Comment icon
Report

Charles Moffett...


K09 - Phase IV - over 5 years ago
2 laughs

1 reply Comment icon
Report

Servo: Come on, Joel! We're joshing you!
(Does it count as a riff if it's in a host segment? What if it's meta?)


424 - Manos: The Hands of Fate - over 5 years ago
4 laughs

3 replies Comment icon
Report

So. So, I told Gary that I was going on this vacation. So he goes, "Well, then, I'm goin' huntin' with Jeff next weekend." Well, then, that's when we were at Nigh's. Well, then Lou sang Fernando, and Gary, oh he sings so good. You should meet Jeff sometime. Do you like Barry Manilow songs? I know that farmers need rain, but when it's damp like this, my hair just explodes! Just explodes. Ooo, I'm feeling kinda gassy. McNuggets, they make me so gassy, you know all that grease, you know. It really helps if you drink 8-10 glasses of water a day. But you know sometimes I drink 5, sometimes I drink 9 to make up for the other 3 I didn't drink. Coffee and diet drinks don't count, either. You know, this is pretty country, isn't it? You know it's really kind of a blessing in disguise that I didn't get accepted to college, huh? You know, I'm going to have to revise my twenty year plan, but... Oh, did I tell you about my twenty year plan? Okay, well. Okay, listen here. In year one, this is the year where I'm going to take off those extra seven pounds. You know that's equal to seven pounds of butter? Heh heh heh! So it's like I'm wearin' seven pounds of butter! Ha! Eh, oh... Where was I? Oh, oh yes. So my aunt and uncle here were celebrating their twentieth anniversary. My uncle wanted to sing Sunrise, Sunset. He wanted me to sing that, and I haven't sung that since Cindy's wedding, and, well, she never thanked me for that. Well, I'm still, uh... Well, she's probably really busy and all...


K15 - Superdome - almost 4 years ago
1 laugh

Report

"Show them a quarterback and all they see is a capitol asset..."
Only off by two letters.


K14 - Mighty Jack - almost 4 years ago
0 laughs

Report

He looks like Frank Conniff.


K14 - Mighty Jack - almost 4 years ago
0 laughs

Report

They dubbed his fingers!