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A mighty fine mess, Jack
K14 - Mighty Jack - about 4 years ago
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Okay. Never mind about the launch sequence I ranted about below.* I cannot believe the stupidity of either side here.

The bad guys are a vast global criminal conspiracy on the scale of SPECTRE from the Bond films, and their torture technique is to shine a bright light in your eyes. "Well, I'll just close my eyes." "There's no way you can just keep your eyes closed for hours at a time!" I know that at least got what it deserved in Season 3. But, really, how is that supposed to work? Let's say accidentally opens his eyes. He's instantly blinded for life. So there's nothing more the machine can do to him. So what then, bad guys?

On the other side, the good guys send their elite infiltration agent to rescue Atari. He makes it past all their security... and closes the locked door behind him, trapping them both in the cell. So he has to radio for another rescue mission to save them both. Just... WTH?

I try to be a little forgiving of these Sandy Frankenstein monstrosities. I know they've been cut into pieces, stitched back together, and then translated and dubbed on the cheap before being brought back to life in this new form. Take an entire season of a TV show and cut it down to an hour and a half and there's no way you're giving it a fair treatment. But there's no excuse for this level of incompetence from what's supposedly the most confounding criminal empire in history and the super elite secret Untouchables set to capture them.

*I do still wish the launch sequence had been properly riffed. It's a shame it had to get cut for time when they redid this in season 3.

Oh well. At least this episode features the first (off the cuff) mention of TV's Frank, well before he had anything to do with the show. Apt that it's from Trace.

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More like the Million Sighs of Snoozemaru, mirite

K10 - Cosmic Princess - over 1 year ago
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The first half of this movie is a "decent" enough Star Trek TOS episode. But the second half is one of the stupidest things I've ever seen. The worst part is, this was only a two-season TV show, so it wasn't like they were desperately scraping plots together 10-seasons-deep when they were out of ideas.

1) In the context of the movie, they give us zero reasons to not just kill Maya. Nobody knows who she is, she was dumped straight in the med bay after being evacuated from the planet in the first half. There appears to be absolutely no chain of command, nobody is in charge, just the weepy doctor woman insisting they don't kill her. But sure, let her endanger everyone on the base because 'reasons'. Yeah just let her blow up all your ships, those aren't irreplaceable or anything. The doctor lady might have her feelings hurt, and those are more important.

2) The slow-speed slow-motion chase and fight on the surface of the moon had me laughing out loud. Apparently on the moon, everything moves in slow motion. The best part is when the creature just bangs a rock against the little golf cart and somehow that causes them to wildly lose control.

3A) Martin Landau is separated by 5 lightyears. First, they're talking about like they're just going to fly 5 lightyears back to the moon (Servo laughs at this a few times). They aren't even concerned except "we'll run out of fuel". FIVE LIGHTYEARS.

3B) Oh never mind, there just happens to be an alien ship floating right next to them that nobody saw before (also wouldn't the moon have pulled it into its gravity, since the ship was floating where the moon was when it went through the warp?) that has recordings from the worst alien costume ever put to film who speaks English, and he just happens to have a piece of plumbing that magically contains the coordinates of where the moon went (wat).

The best scene was when Maya wakes up as Brian Blessed and begins trashing the room.

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